Stranded down on Highway 61!

We are taking are exploits north. The Mad Russian and I have decided the only way to do anything in this hellashist town is being knee deep in inebriation and denial. Which will only work for so long before the body gives out. No such luck in relying on spirit either . As that has to be squashed, just to thunder your way through the inbred language that the Creoles, & other Louisiana's have created. New Orleans is the right place for the right person. That however is not me. Or this Madman  I am traveling with. So on to the next assignment. After a brief stay at the sanctuary of home. 

Exiled in Orlando

While serving out my exile in Orlando. I decided why not do it in a shitty $40 a night motel while cranking the AC, and imbibing heavy volumes of chilled Wild Turkey. Sure others may go venture off to find a cartoon mouse. But I've been there, and I fear this time no Cheshire Cat will lead me back to safety. After leaving the sanctuary of The Peabody Hotel the next two days shall be a challenge of mind over matter. So courage people courage.

Things out of reach. We place them there for good reason.

Do we only long for what we can not have because it's safe? It's unattainable so no harm can come from wanting it. What happens though when you actually are presented with the unattainable? Smart thing is to turn away and run. There are only two of three people I really wish I could get in touch with again. But at this point it would be like meeting a celebrity. What do you say? And what happens when they don't feel the same way? I have few regrets in my life. Each scar was well earned. My family is a gift from the great magnet in the sky. But yet I wonder...

On a warm summer evening on a bed bound for nowhere.

It was an awkward moment when I awoke this evening at 7:39 p.m. My head was where my feet normally are, and I realized I was still dreaming. There is not a lot to do on a Sunday night in D.C., unless of course you are a criminal. Political or otherwise. Most of the historical places shut down early. So the employees can have some semblance of a weekend, before the mad rush of Monday. When millions of people will be rushing in to see what democracy looks like on paper, and blood splattered balconies of dimunte theaters of days long past. There is a certain heartbeat that this city maintains. Odd rhythms, syncopated by the mad dash of tourists, cab drivers, politicians, the homeless,military personal. The F.B.I. Have their own police force here. It's a beautiful place. Especially at night. Still filled with so much hope and promise, yet untapped. It's encouraging to see the building blocks of this country, but deeply alarming when you see them barricaded by three foot thick cement roadblocks, and armed soldiers at the ready to shoot any shmuck who happens to wobble too close to history. People claim there is a lot going wrong in the world and this country in particular. And to a certain degree they are right. But when you wipe away the bullshit smeared on the lens, the potential to correct these problems is so vastly available, and waiting for the chance to be used correctly. Tomorrow I'm sure I will jump back into my haze of anger and sarcasm. But tonight I think I will let hope carry me off to sleep.

Listen children and you shall here the basterdized version of Paul Revere.

So here we are on the eve of nothing. Filled with a fifth of Jack Daniels because the local store had no Wild Turkey. I’m sitting here watching The Godfather Part 1. The last week has filled us with all sorts of lunacy. From both parties. But let us not gloss over the most entertaining of all happenings from a possible 2012 Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin. A wonderful idiot that one could have only dreamed of to replace George W. Bush. Where he had some tenacity and balls, to match his dimwitted cowboy dreams. Mrs. Palin is just a dumb fucking moron. This was proved once again in her recent trip to Boston. When a local news reporter asked her what she was most going to take away from her visit to Boston, she blundered the history of Paul Revere. When it was pointed out to her the obvious mistake she made, not only did she refuse to acknowledge that she was wrong she accused the media of yet another “Gotcha” moment. What she doesn’t understand is no one needs to lay down landmines for her to step onto. She will find her own to detonate. My dreams are that the Republican’s throw in the towel on the 2012 race like they did on the 2008 race and let her run against Obabma. There aren’t enough drugs in the world to prepare you for the type of silliness that this dimwitted bitch will bring forth. Especially if god forbid she win. Then every comedian in the world will commit suicide because the jokes will be too easy, and the end of the world will have spewed forth. So to paraphrase the perhaps great Paul Revere the Palin’s are coming, the Palin’s are coming. With all retarded children in tow.

Back Home, or how Jake and I dared our way through Arkansas

Well, here we are. Back at the homestead after a 22 day excursion that included Denver, San Diego, and Houston. The trip started out well in Denver. Shared drinks with a few friends. Did some decent work, and overall had a good time. Then I returned to St. Louis to pick up Jake. This could mean one of two things either we have a seriously good time causing chaos, or things will take a turn for the absurd. In which case a terrible case of madness the likes of which can not be expressed in the simple blog will take over. The latter happened on this trip. Houston swallowed us up and used us like a cheap can of Nat Light. We were savaged mercilessly on every move we made to do our job. And then on top of our boss decided to threaten firings all around. Well it would appear the cock has crowed on this career. I will ride the ride to the end, but things will get dirty. And very, very exciting. This I can assure you.
Eric

If I were a stand up comic.

I'm quitting my job and doing stand up. Not really. My wife says we have to have an income. And NOBODY LAUGHS AT MY JOKES! NOBODY! IT'S CALLED SARCASM! I'm not topical, I'm not observational, I just make fun of stuff, hatefully. She tells me she's the funny one in the family. Is anyone even out there? Shit, it's like listening to the voice inside my head in print. I don't even want to be a good comic I just want to go on stage and make fun of the audience. No written jokes, just find the guy in the audience with the visor and go to town. "Hey visor guy, nice flip flops. Is that you're frat brother or you're date?" then later when I'm getting my ass kicked we can share a chuckle. Because seriously gay guys are buff. And let's be honest I don't work out.
I tried sexting with my wife. I heard an 18 year old talking about, while I eaves dropped, so I thought this is what the cool kids are doing. So I tried it, forgetting we had blocked her phone from receiving texts. So really it was no different than being home. You get what I'm driving at here? I don't understand the stereotype of black people and watermelons. Never in my life have I seen a black person eat a watermelon. A cantaloupe, celery, an apple, the first born boy from a voodoo offering. But never a watermelon.
I think we should spay and neuter the homeless. I've seen five stray animals in my lifetime, and never once have they bothered me. But the homeless are everywhere, and they breed. I saw a homeless family. A dad a mom and a baby. And felt bad so I was going to give them money, but then I thought no. They're just going to spend it on formula, or a teething ring. Homeless babies need to be weened from they're addictions too. Do you ever wake up & check your email. Then read Facebook responses out of context and out of order. It's jarring, especially with some of the friends I have. Like shit, how much Wild Turkey did I drink last night. None of this makes sense. Whose afraid of fire? Why would that be brought up? Baboons? We can't start a Baboon Cage Fighting League. (Trust me I've looked into it.) all of the sudden at eight am while the coffee percolates I have to become a detective and figure out what the fuck I have told people. Honestly I need a breathalyzer on my laptop. Because I will do a drive by comment at two in the morning and wake up to a bunch of angry people. I'm sorry your husband is in the army and I said I was against the troops. I meant all of them. Al Quieda too, not just the American's. I could go on, and later I will.