On needing a hobby

I think what it comes down to is I need a hobby. How do people find shit that interests them? Even in school when you take that test to find out what you're supposed to be good at, my results were inconclusive. I hear other people talk about the things they do or are into and it just sounds exhausting. "I ride my bike 15 miles every morning before work." What? First of all I'm not getting on a bike again for the rest of my life. Certainly not to do 15 miles before work. "I can play like twenty instruments, but I bartend." OK screw you, really. If I could play the spoons I would have at least five albums out already. The only time I'd be in a bar is when I was performing. "I'm into video games." So am I, that's not a hobby. That's away to kill time in between getting yelled at by your wife/girlfriend or keeping your child from exploding something. Which I admit is fun the first four times, but you can't encourage that behavior. Or else as an adult you have to go to the principal. And that's no fun. Because I wouldn't be able to stop laughing, Ava wouldn't either. We'd both get in school suspension. What I'm trying to say is Motivated people annoy me.

I even envy alcoholics, at least they have plan for the day. I couldn't put forth that much effort into getting drunk all day though. Geez. I get up in the morning and I have to ask Ava what we should do because I have no clue. Are we playing Barbies or slaying dragons. I'm good either way, just let me know so I can get the pop tarts started. Oh, we're just going to sit here and stare at the wall. OK, you know this is how I got through high school right?

A man ran 99 miles home after a marathon. How do you even get into that? "Hey bob, I think I'm going to start running." If Bob was a good friend he'd say something like "What are you retarded like Forest Gump, or something?" "No, no I was just at the Footlocker to get some new sneakers, and the 15 year old kid there convinced me to buy these Nike's. He said you could run a marathon in them and not feel it, they are that comfortable." So I thought, that's it! That is what has been missing in my life. Running for no apparent reason. So I'm joining the Boston Marathon tomorrow. Will you pick me up afterwards." And since clearly Bob isn't a good friend he didn't pick him up, and the guy had to run home. Because you can't keep a wallet in those running shorts. You know how in the VH1 Behind the music, or in interviews with stars like John Lennon; they always say if it wasn't for Rock n Roll I don't know where I would have ended up. Well this is where they would have ended up, bitching on Facebook about being bored to virtual friends. Meanwhile 1/6 of the world is starving. Lybia is in shambles, Japan is gone. So I'm pissed because I may not be able to get the iPhone 5 til September! Which is BS, because then I have to start saving up for Christmas presents for people who don't even get my jokes but still laugh because they are only two. Hey dad did you fall down the stairs again? Yes honey. Was it because of your socks or the booze. No, don't worry baby I'm fine go ahead and continue watching your iPod. I slipped because of the socks, it's not proper Scotch hour til five. We still have an hour of sober daddy.